Our Money Relationship and How It’s Connected to Our Beliefs
If money is a taboo or sensitive topic in your family or among your friends, you are not alone.
Studies have found that conversations about money outrank any other uncomfortable conversation topics like talking about sex and intimacy, and discussing health and death. This is despite people being more liberal and open minded these days.
Money is attached to strong emotions
It is a sensitive subject because there are many strong emotions attached to it. This being a result of our upbringing, environment and personal experiences with it. Sometimes, it seems easier to suppress those emotions, which may include anxiety, shame, guilt, fear etc.
However, if we are actually able to open up about money matters with our trusted circle of friends and get objective opinions on what we should do (or not do) with money, it might make some of our financial decisions much easier.
Money serves different purposes for different people
Money by itself is meaningless. Strip away its use as a medium of exchange, it is truly just pretty printed paper or digits in your bank accounts. Money becomes meaningful only when it serves a purpose.
Couples quarrel about money because - like it or not, our priorities aren’t always aligned. That being said, money serves a different purpose for different people.
For some, money represents security and peace of mind. It assures us that we will be adequately taken care of in our retirement years without the need to depend on others financially.
For some, money represents provision. For those with families this means saving for our children’s education and other needs. It could also mean supporting our aged parents financially for their day-to-day expenses and medical care.
Money could mean enjoyment and comfort, in the form of a comfortable house and car for your family. Dining out in restaurants, travelling the world or spending on our hobbies may also be how we like to enjoy our hard-earned money.
What some people value too is the freedom of time to do what we want and not need to report to a boss at work. That could mean having quality time with family or time to pursue hobbies and passions.
For the privileged, financial abundance extends outside their family and friends - they may enjoy philanthropy and gifting to charities and meaningful causes.
Dream your own dreams
When we understand what money means to us, we can build these priorities and dreams into our financial goals. A piece of very cliché advice, dream your own dreams. Don’t take on the ones that society or our parents imposed on us.
For example, even if the country’s recommended retirement age is 65 years old, but your dream is to retire at 50 years old and travel around the world, make sure your financial goals reflect those dreams and work towards them! You can learn more about that here.
Our emotions are linked to our current money mindset.
Our money mindset determines our relationship with money, i.e. how we earn it, spend it, keep it and grow it.
I’ve had the privilege of working with many individuals from different financial backgrounds over the years and I came to an interesting observation. Our financial situation does not actually correlate with the money we make. Yes, I am talking about your income.
There are people who make a very decent income but have no savings or are in debt. There are others who earn less, yet managed to save and invest their money.
There are people who are obsessive savers but never feel secured about their financial position. There are others who don't have much yet feel quite confident and generous in fact.
The emotions that money creates for us correlate with our current money mindset. I’ve listed these out in the image below. :
The image above shows the different levels of relationship one can have with money. I encourage you to read on to find out where you’re currently at.
Abundant
Feeling of financial abundance and gratitude. There is more than enough for self and family (and even future generations). You are able to give generously and help others in need.
Confident
Feeling of financial security. You have the means to plan for the future through investments. Funds are sufficient for self and family, with extra savings for regular treats such as family travel and other luxuries.
Comfortable
You are financially comfortable, meaning your income is able to meet most of your family's needs but with little extras. Life is comfortable as long as there are no unexpected changes or emergencies. You get bouts of anxiety when things get overwhelming and the future seems uncertain as you are unable to save regularly.
Struggling
One struggles and stresses about making ends meet. Every dollar that comes in, goes out in a matter of days. Money is a fleeting object as you struggle from one pay check to another. Acquiring loans is common to help make ends meet. When this is the case you are unable to plan for the future because all your focus is on surviving each month.
Scarcity
If you have feelings of being trapped and hopelessness - demotivated and reliant on others’ help and charity - you are currently living in scarcity.
None of us want to be in this position for sure, but when the pandemic came about, a lot of businesses failed which resulted in jobs being cut. If you are in this situation, we want you to move away from scarcity and towards abundance in your finances. And I want to encourage you that it is possible. We need to take the necessary action to save and grow our wealth and there’s no better time than now. Equally important is to level up and keep improving our money mindset. The more empowering our money beliefs, the better we can manage our finances and attract more money into our lives.
Do you tell yourself stories such as “I need to work hard for money”, “Money does not grow on trees”, “Money goes out faster than it comes in”? This mindset is definitely won’t take you far.
As Tony Robbins often says “Change your story, change your life!” You can think more empowering thoughts such as “I can work smart for money”, “There is abundance all around me” and “I choose to live within my means”. Wait, were you surprised to read the last statement? Yes, living within your means is a mindset that will get you off on a good start.
Stretch your abundance mindset
Having an abundance mindset helps to improve your relationship with money. People who embody this are grateful and appreciative of everything they have. They see more possibilities and opportunities in life.
No matter what your current financial situation is, you can choose to have an abundance mindset (as opposed to a scarcity mindset).
Getting to financial independence is a journey of improving your knowledge and mindset. It is a process of getting money “out of the way” so that we can focus on our passions and priorities that are truly important to us.