Overcoming Loss and Reshaping Your Money Story
“I can’t believe I was overcharged by $100! That’s cheating!”
“I donated $100 to the cancer foundation. In fact, I’ll consider doing it next year as well.”
Though both situations above may involve the same cash outflow from your pockets, the emotions felt cannot be more different.
Recently, a friend shared a heartbreaking story about his kind-hearted mother. She was cheated out of her life savings by a random stranger on the street. The aftermath was devastating; she was deeply emotional and blamed herself for falling for the scam. Such financial betrayal not only depletes one's finances but also shakes the very foundation of trust and security, making recovery a slow and painful journey.
We all experience a multitude of emotions around money throughout our lives. Some of these emotions are joyous and uplifting, while others can be profoundly painful. Among the many emotional experiences, two stand out in stark contrast: the feelings associated with loss and those that come with gifting.
As a finance mindset coach, I help my clients process their money stories and traumas. Our life experiences shape us and influence how we behave and make decisions.
The Agony of Loss
Loss is a universal experience, yet its impact can feel deeply personal and isolating. When we lose something valuable, whether it's money, possessions, or even trust, the emotional aftermath can be overwhelming. Common feelings associated with loss include:
Anger: This often arises when we feel something precious has been unjustly taken from us. It's a natural response to perceived unfairness.
Frustration: The sense of helplessness that accompanies loss can lead to frustration as we grapple with the inability to change what has happened.
Grief: This profound sadness is a testament to the value of what was lost. Grief is a process of coming to terms with the absence of something once cherished.
Betrayal: Perhaps the most cutting of all, betrayal strikes when trust is broken, leaving us to question our judgment and the integrity of others.
The story of my friend’s mother, who was cheated out of all the money in her bank account, illustrates the deep emotional impact of such betrayal. It’s not just about the money; it’s about the shattered trust and security.
The Joy of Giving
In contrast to the pain of loss, the act of giving brings about a vastly different set of emotions. Gifting, whether of time, resources, or love, fosters feelings of:
Abundance: When we give, we often realize the true wealth we possess. It’s a reminder that we have more than enough to share, fostering a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity.
Contentment: There is a deep sense of fulfillment that comes from helping others. This contentment stems from the knowledge that we have made a positive impact on someone’s life.
Happiness: The joy of seeing others happy because of our actions is incredibly rewarding. It creates a cycle of positivity that benefits both the giver and the receiver.
Gifting is more than just an action; it’s a habit, a way of life. It reflects a mindset that values connection, empathy, and generosity. This is especially evident in cultures known for their hospitality and warmth. Take the Philippines, for example. The culture here embodies a spirit of giving, where people are quick to share what they have, no matter how modest their means. This generosity creates a community bonded by mutual care and support.
A Practical Comparison: Losing $100 vs. Gifting $100
Consider the difference between losing $100 and gifting $100. Though the amount that leaves your wallet is the same, the contrasting emotions and consequences of the experiences can be vastly different.
Losing $100: This can evoke feelings of frustration, anger, and helplessness. It can lead to stress about finances and a sense of injustice.
Gifting $100: On the other hand, giving away $100 can bring joy, satisfaction, and a sense of purpose. It can strengthen relationships and build a sense of community.
Strategies to Deal with Loss and Overcome Your Money Story
Dealing with financial loss requires resilience and a proactive approach. Here are some strategies to help you cope with loss and reshape your money story:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel the emotions that come with loss. Recognize that it's natural to feel upset and give yourself permission to grieve.
Reflect and Learn: Consider what led to the loss and what you can learn from it. This can help prevent similar situations in the future and turn the experience into a learning opportunity.
Focus on What You Can Control: Redirect your energy towards aspects of your life that you can influence. This can include creating a new budget, seeking financial advice, or finding additional sources of income.
Practice Gratitude: Shift your focus to what you still have and the positive aspects of your life. Practicing gratitude can help you maintain a positive outlook and reduce stress. For example, instead of getting angry and frustrated with small losses, turn the story into a “donation to someone who needs it more than you.” Focus on what you have instead.
Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or financial advisors for support. Sharing your experience can provide emotional relief and practical advice.
Reframe Your Money Story: Challenge any negative beliefs you hold about money. Replace them with empowering thoughts that reflect your values and goals.
The contrasting emotions of loss and giving teach us valuable lessons about the human experience. While loss can lead to feelings of anger, frustration, grief, and betrayal, giving fosters abundance, contentment, and happiness.
As we navigate our own journeys, let us remember to focus on positive money stories. By doing so, we can transform our relationship with money and create a more beneficial and fulfilling narrative.